Movie review: Split

Split is a psychological horror thriller film about a guy with multiple personality disorder. I watched a few of M Night Shyamalan's movies and his movies were always worth the time spent. 

Just with anything which can be interpreted differently by people, I thought this movie represented our inner thoughts very well. Generally, most of the time, we try to have good thoughts and do the right thing, but whether or not we'd like to admit it, there are times when we have bad thoughts about someone or we act in a way we shouldn't have. Who we are at the end of the day is determined by which of these thoughts win in us.

The character in the movie had bossy personalities, childish and innocent, always willing to help personality, an obsessive compulsive disorder personality and others. At different times, different personalities appear. And as one personality chooses to do something bad, the good personality somehow tries to stop it but is always overpowered by the bad personality. (Very relatable in real life, isn't it?)

However, at the end of the movie, the scariest of all personalities emerges. As I was watching that, I realised it is really important to keep our thoughts and emotions in check, because if we don't and we let the negative things in life consume us, we will end up being a monster. It will not matter anymore who we hurt and this is really dangerous.

The movie is about mental health, but as I was watching it, I felt the movie is a lot more abstract than what it actually is. It is definitely a thought provoking movie.

Of dating apps and bad decisions

With technology and dating apps, I cannot help but to be slightly intrigued as to how these apps work and whether or not they can be successful. So, like every other single girl, I did just that. I installed Happn and used it.

I've had several dates, several drinks, several laughs and several heart breaks. It's just the usual desl that comes along with dating.

However, in this dating process (or game as some could call it), I realised something that I never would have realised had it not happened to me at the very time that it did. This allowed me to compare, at the same time, two guys of completely different personalities and where I stand in the picture.

One of my earlier dates was with a very charming guy. Mr Charming just knew the right thing to say and it was always what I wanted to hear. But Mr Charming never had the time for me and everytime we met, it always involved alcohol. A few weeks later, things ended. I went on a short vacation and I reached out to him again, not because I couldn't get over him, but because I just wanted to know why things ended. Eventually, I will learn the hard way that some people can never be honest. Then we dated again and a few weeks later things ended. Surprise... not! 

Around the second time I contacted Mr Charming, along came Mr Architect. He didn't check my boxes (we're talking physical attraction here. Let's be honest, the very first thing that attracts us to another is their physical appearance.) but he was caring. He did get a little pushy and when that happened, just like two magnets of the same polarity, I started moving in the opposite direction. 

This brings us to the age old question - why are we attracted to people who hurt us but never to the ones who are nice to us?

I still have no answer for that, but I did learn several things:

• If a guy doesn't make the effort to call you/ talk to you/ listen to you/ tell you about his day etc, he is not interested in you.
• If he is not interested in you, there is nothing you can do to make him interested in you.
• If he makes excuses saying you're not ready to be in a relationship, he is really talking about himself, but using you as an excuse.
• If a guy is too pushy, learn to give yourself some space instead of freaking out and just running away.
• If someone doesn't check your boxes right away, give him a chance anyway. Better a kind guy than an asshole any day!

If any of you have any interesting experiences on Happn, please share with me. :)

Learning about love,

Halley

The kind soul on the plane

A few weeks ago, I flew to Melbourne. On my way back, as I boarded the plane and walked to my seat, I saw a guy sitting in the row behind mine. Being the socially shy person that I am, I noticed him and continued with storing my bag in the overhead compartment. I then sat by the window.

During the flight, I had a feeling that something would fall off my bag if anyone decided to put it on its side. I decided to make a mental note to check my bag as I was alighting the plane.

As per all flights, we have no patience and stand too early. We then have nothing else to do but to stand and wait until the connections to the gates are secured. While this was happening, the lady who sat by the aisle passed my bag to me. I checked my bag and noticed something missing, but I didn't have the space to stand and check the overhead compartment myself.

This very nice gentleman was so observant. He noticed that I dropped my hand lotion and he picked it up. As soon as I saw it in his hand, my face lighted up and I just said, "That! That's what I've been looking for. Thank you very much!" I didn't quite get a smile from him, nor a "You're welcome" but I was okay with that because despite appearing cold, he was such a kind soul.

I'd like to thank you for making my day and reminding me that kind souls are everywhere! :)

Grateful,
Halley

Empathy vs Sympathy

I've always been the person who empathizes with others. I know I do because when someone has a problem, I do my best to make them feel better and I go all out to help them, be it talking to them at any hour of the day, spending time with them until they feel better or helping them look for a new room when things are bad at their current place. For me, empathizing with someone is the same as putting yourself in their shoes, feeling what they feel and putting in the the time and effort to make them feel better.

However, I've never come across a single friend who has this same quality. Everyone I know sympathizes. That's easy. You listen, you say a few words and you never bother checking on them again and again to see how they are doing. You don't because it is a waste of your time. Why waste your time on someone else's problems when you can chase butterflies while sliding down rainbows?

Recently, I was talking to a friend and she told me about a video which describes empathy and compares it with sympathy and it articulates my thoughts perfects. Empathy feels connection. Sympathy drives diconnection.

Be the person who empathizes with others. Don't be the selfish person who wants others to lift you when you are down, but you don't bother doing the same when they are down, because life is too good when you are chasing butterflies on rainbows.

The one with the debater

Have you ever had that one friend who just has to debate about everything?

I have a friend who can start a debate about anything. While I appreciate that she can take a stand, I feel it's absolutely unnecessary to debate about a point in each and every story of mine. Express your opinion. Make it known and understood. Then LET.IT.GO. But no.

I will be telling a story about what happened last week, and she will find something to debate about and this happens EVERY. SINGLE. TIME to the point I am avoiding her because I am just too tired to debate. It could happen during lunch when I want to unwind from work and just have a warm meal and a light conversation. It could happen while exercising. It could happen while someone is laughing.

Just the other day I was telling her how I found it hilarious when the clown pulled a bra out of a guy's shirt. She started by asking why is society okay if a male clown does that to a male audience, but not if a male clown does the same to a female audience? Well, missy, I guess it's the same reason as to why in general it's okay for males to go topless, but not a female. But missy kept finding new points to argue about. All I wanted to do was tell all the funny things the clown did.

It's exhausting dealing with people like these. I've now decided I will just not say anything anymore.

If you are a debater, for once in your life, try being a listener and not simply someone who talks and talks and talks. Master the art of listening. It IS a way of communicating.

Always listening,

Halley

The Flight Before Christmas

I love romantic movies. Shoot a romantic movie in the winter and that makes the best romantic movie for me! I can’t imagine what is better than love in the beautiful snow with hot chocolate and the warmth of a fire place. It’s so perfect!!!

This movie is about a girl who was packing to move into her boyfriend’s place because he asked her to, but at the very last minute he decided to break up with her because things have not been going smoothly between them and he feels moving in together will not make anything better.

On the other end of the spectrum is a guy flying 3000 miles once a month to see his girlfriend who is working in a different town because he believes he needs to put the effort to make the relationship work. He also avoided confrontation when he was with her. He seemed like THE best boyfriend anyone could ever want.

But when this guy meets the other girl, he realises he can be himself with her and as we all can predict, in the magic of winter, they fell in love with each other.

I think we can all connect with this movie. Some of us might work hard to keep a relationship alive. It can be any relationship – with your best friend, with your cousin, with your parents, anything at all! Some of us give up too easily. I believe neither is good, but none of us are so perfect as to be able to achieve the right balance between both. If the other person matters to you, do your best to make it work, but just make sure it doesn’t change who you are. Sometimes we are so caught up in trying to save a relationship that we stop being ourselves. Whatever you do, be yourself. If you are a loud, happy person, be that person! You have only one life to live. Be the best you can be and do the right thing! 

Be yourself,

Halley

Dater's Handbook

Being a single girl approaching 30 wasn’t the way I imagined life would be. Growing up, although I never openly communicated my dreams of my fairy tale love to anyone, I always imagined myself with a loving guy. This guy was also tall, good looking, rich, has a good body, is possessive and drives really well. I am not sure why driving was a criteria, but it was a very important one.

In my early 20s, most of my criterion remained the same, but I wanted a guy who isn’t possessive and is financially stable. I will soon come to realise the pros and cons of that. You get someone who is loyal (plus point) and stable (finance is never an issue) but also someone who is boring. Let’s have a picnic in summer! No, I have to work. Let’s go on a holiday! No, I have to work. Let’s do this! No, I have to work. Let’s do that! No, I have to work.

In my mid 20s, I thought it might be better to date someone who is fun and this would mean someone younger. Someone younger would always not have work and will be able to spend his time with me.  

Now that I am approaching the big three zero, I still haven’t decided what is best but this movie – The Dater’s Handbook, resonated with me. It suggested that fun guys are non-committal and the stable guys (not surprisingly, the stable guy was also portrayed as boring) are willing to commit. The girl in the movie decided to go for the safe option and go for the stable guy, but she soon realises that she is pretending to be someone else when she is with the stable guy.

I guess in life, it always comes down to taking risks. Always go with your gut feeling. It is life. There is no 100% right or wrong answer.

Take risks,

Halley